The Central Post
Owner of Carlisle Incorporated calls OSHA a "disgrace to efficiency"
NEAR the sunny realm of Green Hill Zone lives a power limiter factory, seemingly blocked off from outside interference. The secrecy is the main reason why we can't find out much about the manufacturing errors that are becoming more and more frequent when it comes to the inhibitors. Certifications are all hidden from the public.
Recently, a couple of big-shot corporate investigators apart of the CBI (who will go unnamed because of their CRUEL words about my journalism) decided to interview interview the owner of the establishment, Carlisle Manera.
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BROADCASTING SIGNALS DOWN CITYWIDE
GOT cable? That sucks. Recently, the signal has been bugging out. If you haven't made the switch to on-demand content, the news is being sold in tapes at your local video store until the tower technicians can find out what's wrong.
Since I'm reporting on this subject, the government requires me to put in this little tidbit and request that you pay real good attention. Don't cut this out and put this one in your little collages, folks. Or do. I don't care.
DO NOT GET YOUR NEWSCASTS FROM ANY SECONDARY SOURCE. IF ANY PERSON(S) TELLS YOU THAT THEY CAN SELL YOU A CHEAPER ALTERNATIVE AND/OR COPY, DO NOT ENGAGE. IF ANY PERSON(S) CLAIMING TO BE AN INSIDER APPROACHES YOU WITH A TAPE, DO NOT ENGAGE. IF ANY PERSON(S) OFFERS YOU AN UNMARKED TAPE WITH THE INTENT OF IT BEING A NEWSCAST, DO NOT ENGAGE. ANY VIDEO STORES WITHOUT CERTIFICATES HUNG UP CONFIRMING THEIR CONNECTION TO THE GOVERNMENT ARE NOT RELIABLE SOURCES FOR NEWSCASTS.
Basically, it's just a bunch of words for "just get your tapes from a trusted source." Am I a trustable source to you?
Survey on page 3.
MORE, MORE, AND MORE CROSSWORDS!
THIS IS really embarrassing, but since my agency required me to end the deal I had with Stardust Speedway's Spicy Hotline because it wasn't "appropriate," they hooked me up with a new sponsor. It's all stupid brain puzzle stuff, so I put the answers on there already. Problem is, I'm selling this issue as an individual copies because I'm not really allowed to write over the activities (at least not in print). If you check the puzzle page and it has my GREAT handwriting on it, you've got a real rare edition. I'm only filling in, like, 50. They're very tedious.
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DON'T EAT THE RICH! (YET)
I THINK everybody's had that one idea that they wish was real, but they didn't think they could be the one to execute it. Whether you're just untalented or you just don't have the resources, it seems like it's just so out of reach.
Lucky for you, I've got access to quite a few rich people. I'm friends with them, actually. Well, at least three. Two. That's not the point. The point is that I've created a little feedback box on the very last page along with an address. What do you write in the box? Well, my loyal reader who needs me for everything, an idea! An idea you wish was real, like a movie or a show. A rich person can steal your idea and make it. You don't really get credit for anything, but you get a new show! Ain't that just grand?
Continued on page 2.